Is Your Relationship with Money on the Brink of Divorce?

money-breakup
Photo by Rui Guerra

Editor’s Note: This is part one of a three part series on how to shape up your relationship to money. Subscribe to receive notification of the upcoming posts in the Money Relationship Series, and give your money relationship the boot-camp counseling it needs!

Sometimes it helps to apply your knowledge about one area of life to another area in your life. If there’s one thing that women really know a lot about, it’s relationships. So I thought, let us take the relationship analogy to money, since it will help us all understand some of the mistakes we might make when it comes to handling money. Let us look at money as if it were the love of your life, and that you were married as a spouse. Now there are a few questions you can ask yourself to discover how to interact with money, in terms of a relationship with your spouse.

You might think the above list of questions are silly. You would probably never do something like that with your husband or spouse. Now replace the word husband with the word money and see how you might be sabotaging your relationship with money unknowingly. What you focus on expands and what you ignore dissipates, so you need to treat the money in your life as an equal loving partner. You can’t let money control you, and you shouldn’t try to control money forcefully. There is only one way to control money in your life, and that is through love. Keep reading to find out how love factors into the money equation!

Do You Love Money? (Isn’t that a Bad thing?)

Before we go any further with the analogy that money should be a loving relationship, let’s find out why we all think that loving money is a bad thing. We often hear that money is the root of all evil. I’ve also heard my male colleagues joke that women are the root of all evil, because in order to get a woman you need money. Of course both of these sayings have no real basis.

In fact the idea that “money is the root of evil” is an often misquoted verse from the Bible that says “the love of money is the root of all evil”.

At one of the law of attraction seminars I attended, the participants were asked if they loved money. Most people said no. Some people unabashedly said yes. Guess who had the most money? Those that stopped lying to themselves about their need for money, and just gave in to their desire for loving money. Does loving money mean these people were penny-pinching scrooges who did not love or care for anything other than money? Definitely not, in fact these people were the ones who gave the most money away, and really made big contributions to their community.

Is the Love of Money the Root of All Evil?

Although the bible states that “The love of money is the root of all evil”, I believe the translation does not do this verse justice. Obsession with money is the root of all evil. The acquisition of money for money’s sake and the hoarding of money are both dangerous. But the idea that loving money is a bad thing should be stripped from your mind. It is theoretically impossible to attract more of something that you do not love, or that you believe is inherently evil.

love-of-money
Photo by Henry Faber

Have you ever heard of someone having a successful and happy marriage if the two people involved thought they each were the root of all evil? Of course not! Moreover, money is a necessity of life and it is important to have enough money to live the life you want, to take care of your needs, and those of your family. Having money is a means of helping others, and being selfless with money is only possible if you have money.

How You Treat Money Affects How Much Money You Have

Just remember that as long as you treat money like a loving equal spouse, you will never loose yourself to obsession with money. In relationships, if one partner becomes obsessive of the other, then someone will put a restraining order to protect themselves. So becoming obsessed with money will only cause money to put a restraining order on you, to ensure you two stay far enough apart.

In addition to staying more grounded about money, you will never let money abuse you: you won’t feel the need to lie or cheat for money’s sake. You will not feel guilty about spending money or earning money, you will know that you are in a partnership with money and that money cannot hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself. If you respect your relationship with money, you will experience a balanced bountiful flow of money in your life.

You can also apply the ideas of romantic courting to bring more money into your life. As with most things in life, you need to treat others the way you would want to be treated. So if you money was a man or woman you were trying to start a romantic relationship with, you would most likely do three things:

  1. Make yourself feel good about yourself. Pamper yourself, dress nicely, and act confident.
  2. Get to know the other person. Compliment him, spend time getting to know him, and then use your knowledge to show him you like him.
  3. Cherish this person and this relationship. Enjoy your time with him, make the most of it, and be satisfied with the way things are right now, while being comfortable with the way things might unfold in the future.

How to Change Your Relationship with Money

There are many different steps you can take to change your relationship with money, right now. Some of these are very straight forward, while others can take awhile to get used to. But since money is something that is here to stay, just like a marriage, you might as well become proficient at taking care of it so that this relationship will grow and become better with age.

money-together
Photo by Grant MacDonald

Now that you know that money is really just another one of the many relationships in your life, it is time to take action. Subscribe to find out when the next two parts of the Money Relationship Series will be posted. Then begin to change your relationship and allow more money to come into your life immediately!

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Comments

Viewing 14 Comments

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    I like the questions where you ask us to transpose the word "money" for "husband."

    Well, I guess you are speaking only to women then, otherwise you would have used the word "spouse," but still, your point is made -- and it is a good one.

    John
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    @John: In my first draft I used the word spouse. I was really torn about putting a specific gender, and I may change my stance in the future, since it seems my readership is pretty evenly divided. Thank you for the feedback, it will be taken into consideration in the future. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the questions though!
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    I wish I was reading blogs like this a few years ago. I wouldnt be in the shit I am now, owing more than $1,200,000 to friends, family and banks. I would know all the right steps, I would get motivated and inspired... Now all I have left is a site called www.savemefromshit.com, which is more an example of what to avoid in life, rather than a cry for help...
    • ^
    • v
    Whew, lots here to ponder.

    Thanks to my profitable websites and blogs, I'm pretty well off, and I don't have a husband, so I'll take a pass on responding there, but I definitely agree that how you treat money affects how much you have and your relationship with it.

    So many people see money as a necessary evil and something that's in restricted supply, but if you see it as something that's abundant and can come from many sources, then it's stops being so elusive.

    One of the big things I've learned along the way is that a lot of us think we want a ton of money when what we really want is the freedom to go where we please when we please. That can be obtained without being a billionaire, or even a millionaire. :)

    Recommended reading for your visitors:

    "The Magic of THinking Big"
    "The 4 Hour Work Week"

    Take care!
    • ^
    • v
    Your article is fascinating and look forward to the next two. I teach teenagers how to use money properly and take what I call an holistic approach, spending as much time on their relationship to money as technical skill. Your concept of ‘loving money’ jarred, especially as a parallel to a ‘loving equal spouse’ (rather than, say, a pet or a good cup of coffee), but it very well points out where many go wrong. (Incidentally, I tried to subscribe a couple of times but kept getting the message that I hadn’t completed my e-mail address. But I had.)
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    @tvo: I'm sorry to hear about your debt. Maybe a few of the questions here might give you some clues as to how to mend your situation? Don't give up all hope, yet!

    @Lindsay: You seem to have your relationship with money in good order, congrats! I definitely agree that most people think they want money but what they want is freedom and security, or just doing fun things. Thanks for joining in the discussion!

    @Philip Evans: Yes, the idea of loving money is really hard to fathom. That's why it works so well to see how we treat money in strange ways sometimes. I apologize about the subscription form, it has now been fixed and you should be able to subscribe! Thank you for sharing your views, I appreciate it.
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    Wow! This is a great article. I am looking forward for the next two.

    I hope you do cover the effect of money scarcity-abundance thinking - poor thinking / rich thinking about money. It's a concept I read in Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki
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    @Avani: Thank you. I definitely intend to touch on the abundance/scarcity way of seeing money. It plays a big role in the money relationship!
    • ^
    • v
    "Get to know the other person. Compliment him, spend time getting to know him, and then use your knowledge to show him you like him."

    I like this practical advice on how to improve your relationship with money. Spending time with your money will lead to getting comfortable with it. Getting comfortable will will take the negative emotional charge out of it.
    • ^
    • v
    Hi Nathalie,

    This is an excellent article. I really like your relationship analogies and then the substituting money instead of husband part.

    I have a strained relationship to money right now. My husband and I are in the process of paying off some of our debts. I hope to have one debt cleared up in two years.

    But before the debt I had a carefree spend the money approach. And now I get to pay! It's not comfortable, but it must be done.
    • ^
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    @Tom: I agree, getting to know your money is a helpful way to get comfortable managing it.

    @Ellen: I wish you a fast recovery from debt, I know how hard it can be to pay it down. I know you can do it!
    • ^
    • v
    It always amazes me how people think that you can't be spiritual and care about others if you think that money is great and you want to have lots of it. I was just researching happiness for a few articles that I was writing on the subject and studies have shown that after your basic needs are met (after you earn about $50,000.00) money really doesn't have such a huge impact on happiness. However, if you get the keys to happiness down (meaning, engagement, giving to others, and so on) money can help you add even more pleasure to your life, and pleasure is one of the keys to happiness, (even if there are several other elements).

    Comparing your relationship with money to a marriage is an excellent way to look at it.
    • ^
    • v
    Hi Nathalie - I really like what you are saying here - what a good way of putting it! The first book I ever read about money was called "money is my friend" - again… the emphasis on the relationship!

    I think people who are really confident they can attract money are not greedy or bullies (i.e. evil) because they know they can replace their money if they lose it (lots of wealthy people still don't have that confidence, though, unfortunately)
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    @Marelisa: Thanks for sharing, I love how more and more people are learning that money can help you grow beyond your "small self." There's even a book called "money CAN buy happiness", which is pretty cool.

    @Robin: I will have to check out the "money is my friend" book, it sounds good. :) I agree, knowing that there will be more money to replace spent/lost/etc money is the way to keep your balance.
 

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