6 Money Relationship Problems To Help Counsel Yourself Back To Wealth

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Editor’s Note: This is the final part of a three part series on how to shape up your relationship to money. Click here to read part one, and part two. Subscribe to receive notification of future posts that will help you increase your inner and outer wealth!

Many couples go to relationship counseling to try to fix their relationship problems. My recommendation is for you to perform relationship counseling yourself, on your relationship to money.

First, find out what problems exist in your money relationship. Second, have a conversation with the money in your life, take out the hostility, then bring in the clarity. Third, take different actions to keep your interactions with money from reverting to your old negative habits.

Every night for a week write down where you spent money, and how you felt when you spent it. Then analyze how you felt and figure out if you could change the emotions to be more positive and to focus on abundance instead of lack of money or separation.

Let’s look at some concrete examples of how a change in the way you treat money could cause a shift in the amount of money you have.

1. Money Arrogance

In a relationship arrogance might manifest as someone acting superior, taking the other person for granted, or taking advantage of their mate. For money arrogance, someone might think they are above money, that they can live without it, or just survive off eating air. Of course there are ways to reduce our spending, increase our earnings, and so on. But at the same time, it is not necessarily healthy to just cut off our relationship with money entirely.

2. Money Fear

In relationships there are little fears and big fears, and each one is lurking in the dark part of your closet just waiting to jump out. It’s not much different when it comes to money fear. There are a few money fears that creep up more often: the fear that money will leave you, the fear that money never loved you in the first place, and the fear that money is evil. Overcoming these fears will take some hard work, but identifying them is the first step to shedding the light on them and making them vanish.

3. Money Jealousy

One case of romantic jealousy happens when someone is jealous of the great relationship another couple has (or of one person in the couple). This case resembles money jealously the most, wherein someone envies the money relationship of others (or the money itself). The more envy is involved, the more you push away your own mate, because you are resenting your own relationship for fear it is not as good as someone else’s. Of course this is going to hurt your mate’s feelings, so he or she is less likely to stick around, just like money.

4. Money Anger

Relationships tend to involve anger flare ups every now and then. Most of these spurts are caused by miscommunication, but what happens when you get angry at money? Sometimes you might resent the fact that you didn’t have enough money growing up, or that money wasn’t there for you when you needed it the most. Yet all of these can easily be forgiven, as they should be, if you want to mend your relationship with money.

5. Money Greed

Greed rears its’ head in relationships when it comes time to make decisions; making decisions about time, resources, or preferences can cause conflicts. In the realm of money relationship management, greed takes place when someone says: “You are mine, and I want more of you.” You can’t necessarily expect someone to give up their own ambitions to devote themselves to you entirely, without your putting up some upfront investment. Money will give more of itself to you, once you prove to it that you are serious about your relationship with it.

6. Lack of Appreciation for Money

We all know how much better our spouse responds if we give him compliments, pat him on the back, and appreciate his work and affection. The same goes for money. Gratitude brings money faster than most emotions. On the other hand, if you think that cash is a burden and you just want to get rid of it at any opportunity, you will find that you are “leaking money”. This happens to my boyfriend, who doesn’t like to carry coins around so he just gives them away. This generous disposition is not bad, but it tells money that you don’t want it anymore. When he gives money away, he is saying “I don’t want money, get it away,” instead of something more positive like “I am giving this money to help others and I know I will make more money to replace it.” My boyfriend complains that his savings account seems to be dwindling, but he is also learning to appreciate his money more.

(Photo by Lai Hiu)

Which One Are You Working on?

I would love to hear about which one of the money relationship problems you are working on right now. Leave a comment below, and we can get a discussion going!

Personally, I am dealing with money fear, and a bit of money arrogance sometimes too. Writing this article has helped me realize that these are things I should watch out for. I hope it has helped you see your own issues too. Remember to take small steps, and don’t be too hard on yourself. In a relationship, you are always working together to make the best of it.

This is the final part of a three part series on how to shape up your relationship to money. Click here to read part one, and part two. Subscribe to receive notification of future posts that will help you increase your inner and outer wealth!

Comments

Marelisa

I think it's an excellent idea to write down how you're spending your money and how you felt while spending it. There are many intelligent, hard-working people who just can't seem to hold on to their money. Money is tied to your emotions, and if you feel afraid and like you just don't have enough, money will find a way to slip through your hands.

Writer Dad

Money appreciation is a big one. If I see a coin lying on the ground, I feel compelled to pick it up; not because I need it, but because I feel it's disrespectful to leave it.

Tycoon Dreamer

LOL!!!! It's strange to think of money as another person in your life. But it does have some parallels. I sometimes take my money for granted. I usually regret this when my money is gone. Interesting parallel. :)

Lance

This is an interesting list of the many different relationships we might have with money. Like a regular relationship, I think we sometimes go through different relationship stages.

I currently appreciate money, and to an extent, money fear. In the past, I have had money fear, money anger, and money greed.

I think the fear part comes from having a fear that I might not have money someday. And does this affect me at all? Sure, I think to an extent, it holds me back from trying some things, for fear that it won't provide the money I think I need. This is good stuff to think about.

Nathalie Lussier

@Marelisa: Very well said. Money and emotions play a big part!

@WriterDad: That's cute, I always pick up coins too.

@Tycoon: Indeed, hindsight is 20/20. ;)

@Lance: I feel that way too, with the money fear. Fear of the unknown kind of comes into play a lot, unfortunately. I say, throw uncertainty to the wind and see what happens!

Seamus Anthony

Hey Nathalie, I too am a coin picker-upperer, although the biggest bits of money I seem to find are those in my wallet that I wrapped in a docket and forgot about :-) Thanks for popping by Rebel Zen earlier today!