The Missing Ingredient to Success

building-self-esteem
Photo by Eric Hovland
“Love yourself, for if you don’t, how can you expect anybody else to love you?”

The missing ingredient to success is Self-Esteem! Self-esteem is a mix of confidence, positive feelings about yourself, and an ability to grow as a human being. Self-esteem is really one of the most important things you can cultivate in your life. Your life can essentially be condensed to how you feel about yourself, because it often permeates throughout the rest of your life.

People with high self-esteem perform better in life, are happier, and have more fulfilling relationships. But developing self-esteem is harder than you might imagine, because it means battling your inner demons.

It also means trusting yourself, instead of trusting the opinions of others. It means putting your goals and dreams before those of others. That might sound selfish, but until you feel fulfilled and proud of yourself, you won’t be able to help others.

We Are All Born with High Self-Esteem

Little kids are very confident, and they hold themselves in high esteem. It is only after they grow up that they start to lose their innate power. Self-confidence really is power. Children hear other people talk about themselves negatively, and they start to ask themselves questions about their own worth.

Children are then exposed to advertising, which convinces them that they are not whole and complete beings until they buy certain products. How many times have you seen a child beg for a toy, and a few minutes later tell their parents that they are bored? It’s not that the toy is bad, it’s that he was convinced that he would be able to find joy from an outside source.

Finding joy within yourself, no strings attached, is the first step to greater self-esteem. Continually chasing some outward form of reward, will only leave you depleted inside.

Comparing yourself to other people is another way that your self-esteem can be undermined. You can compare your physical body to those of models in commercials and movies, but you will never feel better about yourself. Self-esteem is something you build on your own, from within.

never-good-enough
Photo by Megan Steen

How To Get More Self-Esteem

Choose the People Around You

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” ~Dr. Seuss

To increase self-esteem, spend time with those who make you feel good. Being around people who support you is one of the best ways to increase your self-confidence. If there are people in your life who do nothing but complain, compare themselves to others, and make you feel inferior, it is time to let them go. It can be hard to change your circle of friends, but it is so much better to be with those who accept you for who you are, and who will encourage you to grow as a human being.

Self-Employment

You can build more self-esteem through self-employment, but it takes a bit of self-esteem to start down the road of self-employment. This might seem like a catch 22, but once you have enough self-esteem to get self-employed, it’s a beautiful cycle. The better your entrepreneurial ventures go, the better you feel about yourself and your ability to provide for yourself. You will realize that you don’t need to depend on outside sources in order to earn money, because you are a worthwhile being who can provide value to others.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.”

Reading women’s magazines and comparing yourself to the models and superstars does nothing to improve your self-esteem. The same goes for comparing your material wealth, or even your moral choices to those of your neighbors. The more you judge others for what they do wrong, or for the possessions they have, the more you weaken your own self-worth. Accepting yourself for who you are, without judgment is one of the hardest and most rewarding things you can do.

Love Yourself

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

Self-esteem starts with love, and if you don’t love yourself then who will? I have seen love transform people many times in the past. One man I know decided to take care of himself, and really tune into his best qualities, thus loving himself more. Suddenly the was pulled into a loving relationship, got a job offer, and moved into a better apartment. Loving yourself is so powerful that it will literally transform your life, starting by increasing your self-esteem.

Remove Yourself From the Hands of Advertisers

Advertising is bad for your self image. It erodes your self-confidence, makes you feel inferior, and depletes your bank account. Advertisers and companies spend billions every year trying to convince you that you won’t be happy until you buy their products. Starting out with the attitude that you are enough, that you are a worthwhile human being, and that you contribute to society, is a great way to stand up to advertising.

Set Goals and Achieve Them

“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” ~Thomas Carlyle

Setting small goals that you can easily attain will help you build your self-esteem. Once you have managed to attain the simplest goals, continue to push the goals outside of your comfort zone. Each of these small successful events will begin to compound. Soon you will realize that you are a powerful human being, and there is nothing stopping you but your imagination. Just remember that there is a clear difference between achievement and fulfillment.

Self Awareness Is Necessary

In Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life, Louise has written about the need to dig deep into ourselves. Sometimes it can be scary to look deep inside yourself, and can even cause you to sabotage your personal growth. But taking a deep look inside of yourself, warts and all, is much better than allowing dangerous emotions to fester.

You can see what’s going on inside of you by doing some meditation exercises. You can also find out what is stopping you from achieving a higher self-esteem, by asking yourself a few questions. Most of the problems we encounter were formed in our childhood, and could have come from the beliefs of our parents.


Photo by Valeria Duque

Self-Esteem Is An Ongoing Process

I am always working to improve my own self-esteem, as should you. I highly recommend Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. I felt some self-sabotage while I was trying to work through the exercises. But I discovered that this type of sabotage was actually a good thing, because it meant that I was on to something.

So whether you decide to delve deep inside and clean out your mental closet or not, you should realize that building your self-esteem is an ongoing process. We are always bettering ourselves and we are always growing as human beings.

This was the third and final article in the series of Selfish Ways to Financial Independence. You can read the previous articles here: Self-Employment, and Self-Sabotage. If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to receive notification of upcoming posts!

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