Worry Wart: I Can’t Do Anything, I’m too Busy Worrying About It

“Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.“

Worry keeps you up at night. It nibbles at you, while you go about your life, and it makes you lose focus on the big picture. You might become clumsy, say things you don’t mean, or put your shoes in the refrigerator. You might become distracted and lose the thread of a conversation.

Everyone worries, and despite our best efforts it can be an all-consuming pastime. The problem is that most of us don’t realize when we are worrying, until a worry has become deeply rooted into our mind.

Signs Of Worry

There are many signs of worry, and knowing the signs will help you discover when you are overwhelmed by worrying thoughts.

Biting your nails.
Inability to fall asleep. Or waking up often during the night.
Short attention span. Absent mindedness, or making mistakes.
Tense muscles.
Nagging feeling at the back of your mind. You keep thinking something is not right, or maybe you did something wrong, or something bad is about to happen.
The sense that you’re missing something.

Worrying Can Blow Things Out Of Proportion

“Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” Swedish Proverb

Worrying about something is so powerful that it can give you ulcers, stress you out, and even make you lose your lunch. Yet most of the things we worry about never end up happening. That’s why worrying is a waste of brainpower. Of course, eliminating your worries is easier said than done.

People who worry a lot, tend to see the bad side of every situation, even tough most situations have a silver lining. That’s because what you focus on expands. So naturally, focusing on what can go wrong will make even more things go wrong.

What starts out as an unexpected turn of events, can cause a worrisome person to exaggerate the situation out of proportion. Seeing the downside of everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: what you expect to happen, most likely will.

Why Do We Worry?

To feel productive. If you worry about something, it feels as though you are working toward finding a solution to a problem. Of course this is just an illusion, unless you take a more proactive approach, which will be explained below. Besides, productivity is simpler than that.
To gain a sense of control over a situation. If you are overwhelmed by circumstances that you can’t control, then worrying about it might give you the feeling that you can change them. We all want to be in control of our lives, and worry is one of those ways of giving us a feeling of control. Keep in mind that this feeling is fleeting.
To make yourself feel better about your actions. Sometimes you make mistakes, say the wrong thing, or embarrass yourself. You want others to forgive you, so you go over the situation in your mind over again (in an infinite loop!), trying to find a way to make it seem less horrific.
To try to lessen your feeling of guilt. You feel guilty about your actions, or lack thereof. Hey, it happens! Find out how to deal with your guilt, then stop worrying about it.
To try to figure out a course of action. We can sometimes get so focused on figuring something out, that worry blinds us to the simple solutions. Yet, we keep worrying over things, because we think we will eventually figure things out. We are trying to avoid mistakes.
Because our brain is trying to tell us something. Worry is actually a signal that our mind is sending to get us to wake up and smell the roses. Sometimes we are just so focused on what we’re doing, we lose track of what might be happening on the sidelines. Worry is a signal for you to pay attention.

Photo by Hannah Webster

Things I Am Worried About

Although I like to think of myself as a carefree spirit, I tend to get worried over silly things every now and then. Most of the time, I don’t even realize that I’m worried, until I feel some physical manifestations of worry. Most of my worry resides in my shoulders and around the neck area.

For example, I have been worrying unconsciously about my upcoming trip China for a few months now. My worries range from not getting a visa, getting sick, or running out of money once I am there. These might all seem to be pretty reasonable things to worry about, but most of them cannot be helped in advance. So why worry about them now?

The worry does serve a purpose. It got me to look into some preventative health measures. I also did some research into the visa issue. As for money, I’m sure I’ll be fine. All of these are things that probably won’t matter to me in 10 years from now. Yet they continue to haunt me at a subconscious level.

How To Overcome Worry

Negative Thought Fast

My favorite method to overcome worry is one that I learned almost 3 years ago. It comes from Paul McKenna, and it focuses on removing useless negative thoughts. The idea is to become very conscious of your feelings and thoughts. Whenever you realize that you are having a negative thought or feeling, you simply become aware of it. Once you are aware of it, you can decide whether there is an action you can take to solve your problem, and if there isn’t then you can simply let it go.

Step one: Become aware of your thoughts and feelings. This is something you will need to practice, because it doesn’t come very naturally to most of us. Just taking a break from whatever activity are doing at regular intervals, and sensing what your emotional state is, will give you the information you need to be more aware of your feelings and thoughts.
Step two: Once you have identified a negative thought or feeling of worry, examine it. Decide whether it is warranted or not. If it is a legitimate worry, do something to solve the problem or fix the situation.
Step three: Let the worry go. Whether you fixed the root cause, or found out that it is something beyond your control, it is time for you to let it go. Letting go is just as easy as focusing on something different. Think positive thoughts, start laughing randomly, or close your eyes and relax. It doesn’t take much to get rid of the worry, once you know that it’s there nagging at you.

Take Action

“Action is worry’s worst enemy.” Proverb

Sometimes all you need to eliminate worry, is to do something about it. If the negative thought fast didn’t work for you, then chances are action is your only solution. Taking action is exactly what’s going to stop your worrying, even though it can be a daunting task.

Figure out what is causing you to worry so much, and then do something about it. For example, say you were worried that starting your own business would cause you to go bankrupt or fail miserably. Instead of worrying, go in the opposite direction and figure out what you need to do to make your business as successful as it possibly can be, and do it. Remember, taking action today using an average plan, is better than taking action tomorrow on a perfect plan.

Photo by Kevin Jaako

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

In the words of Bobby McFerrin, don’t worry, be happy. It is easier said than done, but I believe that once you are actively monitoring your emotional state, it becomes much easier. Eliminating your worries is simply a matter of taking stock of your thoughts and feelings, and choosing a different set if they don’t make you feel good.

What are you constantly worried about? Is there anything you can do about it, right now? If not, eliminate the worry and get on with your life!

Comments

JohnRocheleau

Worrying is a useless emotion. It paints dark images of what could be. And almost always, those images are darker than the reality of the situation.

The kicker is: we only discover that if we push forward despite the worry. If we replace the worry with intelligent planning and action -- we will accomplish things that are important to us, and we will have cause to be proud of ourselves.

So when we find ourselves worrying about what could happen if... let's immediately replace that with some quick risk management, directional focus, and action steps. This simple formula has enough power to totally change our life. Why then do we find it so difficult to break the habit of worry?

John

BillionaireWoman

It's so true that breaking the worry habit can help us change our lives! I love your metaphor that worry paints images darker than they are. It's very visual and helps us understand that we are the one painting our reality, so why chose to make it darker than it really is?

As usual, great advice John! :)

Dr Beverly Potter

Wonder a worrywart is and if you truly are one?

The job of worry is to anticipate danger before it arises and identify possible perils, to come up with ways to lessen the risks, and to rehearse what you plan to do. Worrywarts get stuck in identifying danger as they immerse themselves in the dread associated with the threat, which may be real or, more likely, imagined. They spin out an endless loop of melodrama, blowing everything out of proportion. "What if I have a heart attack?" "What if there is an earthquake?" "What if someone breaks in when I'm asleep?"

While worrywarts insist worrying is helpful, little is solved. Stuck in thinking ruts, they stop living in the here and now--the present moment. Worrywarting is torment--a kind of self-imposed purgatory that makes you feel bad, stresses you out, and wastes precious moments of your life.

Worse yet, worry begets more worry, setting into motion a vicious circle of frightening thoughts and anxious response. It is self-perpetuating, pushing into greater anxiety and more worry. Allowed to continue unchecked, chronic worry can evolve into panic attacks and, in extreme cases, agoraphobia, which is a paralyzing fear of having a panic attack, especially in public. It can be so severe that, in the worst cases, the sufferer can't leave home.

For how to stop worrywarting and start worry smart, visit my site.

Writer Dad

Just wanted to say that's it's nice to see so many posts lately. You do good work.

Robin

Hi Natalie - I really like this articles. It covers a lot of angles and I think it really gets to the bottom of things, so would be really helpful to people. I tend to try to notice when I am worrying, and use a physical approach to the feelings and try to take some action if i can to resolve the problem.

And thanks for the link!

Lance

Nice article. What especially was useful for me was the ending, about how to deal with worry. Normally, I don't let worry get the best of me. However, I have a meeting coming up mid next week. And I'm not really all the comfortable with how it's going to go. I've been putting off planning for it. And, instead I've been worrying about the outcome. What you said here is what I needed to hear. In my case, I just need to take action. So, that is my task for tomorrow. And, then I can put worry to bed...

And, thanks for the mention up above - I really appreciate it!

CreateaBalance

When I begin to worry, I typically tell myself "Statistically everything will be fine". I used this mantra to get through two pregnancies and it seems to calm me down every time.

Rosabel

Nice post! Wish your trip to China is a very pleasant trip, in advance! I used to worry about lots of things in life until I have problem sleeping. I couldn't get to sleep even though I was exhausted. My health was affected badly. Later I learned to overcome my worries by being positive at all time. I go to gym now and then to release and replace with new energy. Being with children most of the time also help me a lot as they make me laugh and relax. Laughter is the best medicine. Positivism brings positivity in life!

Stephen Hopson

One time I was a stockbroker on Wall Street and I had this grandmotherly client whom I adored (vice versa). While there, I worked hard to do right by my clients.

One day I received a threatening legal letter from this woman, scaring the living daylights out of me. My mind immediately bombarded me with useless worry about possibly losing my job (I didn't), losing my reputation (I didn't), etc. I lost sleep, looked like a zombie and lost weight becuase I couldn't eat.

I was asked to write a letter in response for the legal team at the firm I was working for. The moment I sat down and gathered all the facts, my worry went away because I was "taking action" and doing something about it.

It was a great lesson - worry takes away energy needed for other things and it's usually about things that won't happen anyway.

BillionaireWoman

Thank you for stopping by Dr. Potter. Your site has a wealth of information about worrying. I will be taking a closer look at it!

BillionaireWoman

Thank you Writer Dad. Blush. :)

BillionaireWoman

I like the idea of using a physical approach. It takes worry out of our heads for a moment.

BillionaireWoman

I'm glad the article was timely for your meeting. Action really does work! :)

BillionaireWoman

I love the idea of using statistics, and especially for a pregnancy! I will keep this idea for when my time to start a family comes. ;)

BillionaireWoman

Thank you Rosabel. :) I think spending time with children helps a lot too. They just have a more relaxed outlook on life, in general, and they have laughter as a built-in device. ;)

BillionaireWoman

Thank you for sharing your story Stephen. I've never received a legal letter like that, but I've had situations where freaking out led nowhere, and sitting down to figure things out worked wonders.

I your experience shows that what we worry about is a lot less likely to happen, especially if we take action. :)

Kiefer

I found your post to be quite interesting, its true most people make a mountain out of a molehill. But I have always lived by two simple rules that works every time.

1. Chance favors the prepared mind!

2. Be part of the solution not the problem.

sara millar

This is crap. I worry because my husband has cancer, my parents are sick, I'm losing my house to foreclosure, and after two degrees and wasted money, I still can't start my career. I worry because if I didn't i would completely give up and then I would be dead. I do not feel in control, I know somthing is wrong, and have tried a thousand new ways to tackle problems. The only true way to escape worry is to embrace change, which is something we all fear in some degree.

Glen Allsopp

I've decided to either accept my problems or take action against them. No longer will I spend time worrying about them.

Great post!

Cheers,

Glen

Simple Mindz

I worry about bills 24/7. I work 40 hours a week and I would love to work two jobs - but since my rent is based on my income - if I make more I gotta pay more. It's kind of a catch 22, ya know?
I have even have caused erosion's in my stomach from excessive worry. It's been a bit better, but it's hard to not "stress" about things!

BillionaireWoman

I love both of those rules. :) I especially like the idea of being a prepared mind. Thanks for stopping by!

BillionaireWoman

I think you have the answer in your own comment: embrace change. It's something we are all afraid of, but accepting change is part of being courageous. We are all on this planet to learn something. I'm truly sorry to hear about your husband, parents, home, and career. I hope that you will find your own way to make it through, and live your life as best as you can with what you were handed, yet remember that the point of power is in the present.

I recommend Louise Hay's book "You Can Heal Your Life". You can probably find it at your library.

Sincerely,

Nathalie

BillionaireWoman

Thanks for stopping by Glen. I am glad you liked it, have a great day! :)

BillionaireWoman

I'm not sure which type of rent asks you to pay more if you make more, but I'm assuming it's only a percentage of your income and not the whole thing?

I've found that being still and silent for at least 5 minutes (sit in bed before you fall asleep) really does wonders to help with stomach issues and stress.

Let's Celebrate

Hi, Natalie,

Agreed with this words; “Become aware of your thoughts and feelings.”

Most of our worries come from those feelings where we don’t put reasonable thoughts.

It’s idle mind that creates the worries. That’s why, I do believe to do anything what I enjoy than just sitting idle.

Edmund Vance Cooke was right who wrote:

Don't fight with the pillow, but lay down your head

And kick every worriment out of the bed.

Cheers,

Roy

Jessel

I often struggle with this problem of worrying too much. In fact it's a major source of tension between me and my girlfriend. She's always saying that I'm a negative thinker. I always think of the worse case scenario. I think I get the trait from my mom. :)

Anyways, I am working on looking more into the positive side of things.

BillionaireWoman

Thanks for stopping by Roy! I loved your quote. :)

David

So, my wife told me to read this blog to, "get in touch with my feminine side." Whatever. I have to say, though, that you little ladies have done a passable job here in the Internet with your little ideas and such. Is there a recipe section?

I care...

This artical is a very posative way to help people who worry know that they are not the only one's and that there are ways to help to control this problem that can easily take over your life. These steps seem promising and can hopefully help people overcome all of their fears and worries.

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Be, lovely pregnant mums and expecting posterities of the daddy, are healthy and wise!